Love.. It’s a word used by many. In love, with love, for love, the love of, lover, lost love, making love, no love, my love, forever love, young love, and old love. We say it without knowing, sometimes without meaning. But this word is rare to find with you and I. So I wait for you.. But what will happen if I slip out the those three words; I love you.
Today I hate.. I hate my body. I hate myself. I hate that I hide food in room. I hate to tell people I’m on a diet. I hate to say I think I’m fat. I hate that I have to fight it. I hate to see others eat. I hate that I can’t wear what I want. I hate when people say I’m pretty. I hate that it feels like lies. I hate that I think I will have you if I do this. I hate that you have a girlfriend. I hate that I wonder if she is better. I hate the feelings I have for you. I hate that I want it to end. I hate that when I cry I want you. I hate that I want to kiss you. I hate that you know. I hate that you said you liked me too. I hate that I think I’m in love with you.
We all know the story about Cinderella right? How the story is told over and over in many different ways. When your a little girl that’s all you want, a Prince Charming and as you get older you still dream about it at night. Can I hold you? Can I hug you? Can I kiss you? Can I love you? The questions I ask when I’m dreaming and thinking about the perfect Cinderella story.
Being the new kid no one knows me, so of course no one will ask me. But every day i come to school with a little hope….
Today was the first day of homecoming week and well… I woke up unhappy, unexcited, unjoyful, knowing what today will bring made me sick inside. Soon it was time to leave. My sister and I walk slowly to the bus, as usual, got on and we where off. Less than half way there I heard a BANG BANG CABOOM! We suddenly stopped and then I knew our bus had broken down. After sitting there for 20 minutes another bus “came to the rescue” :P First walking through the nicely Wizard of Oz themed hallways, my heart sank deeper and deeper the closer I got to my only freshman filled class. I slowly opened the door with a fake smile on my face. The color black filled the room with sadness all around. I looked over at my poor friend Ali without her usual smile. I tried to act normal, because I know that’s what she wants, all you can do is be there. Finally the bell rang, the saddest part was over. Soon enough it was lunch time. The first thing Braxton and I talked about is how awful we feel. We talked about it non stop for more than half the lunch period. We tried to move on, we talked about the balloon… He asked me what I put on it, if it was about my crush. He kept guessing and guessing. I want to tell him, but I couldn’t. I kept screaming it at him in my head but it just couldn’t come to words. I think I’m worried to see the reaction but I guess it’s for another day, another time, or another moment. What about homecoming you say? I wasn’t planing on going, but Lorena invited me to go with her and Catie. She just might have changed my mind. Who knows how the rest of this week will go.
It’s times like this where you don’t know what to say. The longer you sit and think the more sadness is filled inside. No, not for you, but for his friends and his family. You start to think how they feel by asking what if you where them? So therefore, my love goes out to Mitchell Stokem and his friends and family. I know I didn’t know him very well, but may he rest in peace.
Yep that’s me the new kid! And i just have to say it sucks! I really don’t know anyone. All these kids grew up together in this town of Spring Creek. It’s like trying to get in the middle of people so close together… now I know how those new kids in movies feel. But there are people I’ve found that i think can be some new close friends. I just have to try harder, to get to know them. There are days where I’m happy if someone even knows my name!…. I think I found a solution in this!… What is it? Well it’s a Facebook hunt. My mission will be to find all the people I see everyday and add them as a friend. Great idea right?… Instead of waiting for people to come to me, I will come right at ‘em!! ;)
